Sunday, September 12, 2010

Check out my new video

This video captures Congressman Bumbler's views on the Quran burning that was planned for 9/11. Check it out

Saturday, August 28, 2010

It's Just Natural...

Many people are dumb animals. They think little, and make a lot of noise. They want things done their way, and think anybody doing the opposite must be crazy.

I remember an old argument with a girl I dated. She declared men were the only dumb animals as far as humans go. This coming from the chick that insisted on wearing heels everywhere because she'd rather have cute feet than comfort, but ended up taking em off every night to walk the streets barefoot like a god damn cave man; She once stepped in a pile of bum shit... and brought the heels back out the next night for round 2. Clearly, she was a moron. But, I'm not trying to start a battle of the sexes here. I just think we can all agree, that many people, men or women, do a lot of abnormal shit. What I can't stand though, is when girls me or my buddies date try to chastise us for not following the "natural order" of things if we don't want to spend a month wining and dining 'em just to earn a pass to their fortress of solitude (vagina). (probably didn't need that last parenthesis, but i hate ambiguity)


I once dated a girl that refused to move forward physically until I proved myself emotionally. For some reason, my emotions rested solely on my debit card. So about 2 weeks in I confronted her and asked when she's gonna start spending the night. She felt that I needed to take her on at least 4 more dates. Why 4... like there was some specific equation in her loony head that calculated the conversion of emotional commitment to vajey-jey? So we got into a scuffle, firing back and forth with are best bullets. Finally, she was like "Look, you have to put in some time because it's just the way things are, it's normal...It's JUST NATURAL!" This blew my mind. How is this natural? Human men are the only species that have to go through this BS just to bust a nut! What other animal on the planet has to wine and dine their girl, take 'em to a few shows, and get to know their shitty cat before putting it in? It's the exact opposite of natural. Peacocks do a little dance, show how big and awesome their feathery shit is and get some ass. I should be able to just teach a girl how to Thizz dance, whip out my balls and get to tea bagging. That would be more natural than a month of dating. At the end of the day we're animals, and animals should follow the real, natural patterns intended for them.

Another good example of normal/natural order comes from monkeys, our closest relatives. If monkeys saw what we go through just for a quick tip dip, they'd go bananas.(zing!) Monkeys have a very normalized, systematic approach to the whole game. A baboon whips out his erection, the female sees it and her hoohoo swells up to the size of a football while glowing bright pink like a fuckin' bullseye. The male jumps on and everybody's happy. Simple, native, beautiful. So if ladies really want men to do what's normal and natural... trust me, we're game.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Do cry over spilled oil

So this oil spill is getting out of hand. Have you seen the photos? It looks like somebody took a giant shit out there, ...and then covered the shit in oil. And then took another shit. The worst part about the whole situation is that it seems impossible to stop. BP keeps pumping out potential solutions and they all fail. Why are we trusting these guys to come up with the innovative breakthrough to save those waters. These assholes couldn't even handle their own rig!

Unfortunately, BP's most recent brilliant idea to resolve the issue was declared a failure this morning, despite the pure genius of the tactic: trying to clog the hole with mud. Fuckin' mud?! What do they got, a team of 8 year olds working behind the scenes for solutions? Apparently they pumped 1.2 MILLION gallons of mud into the hole, but most of it escaped into the water. No Shit.

Another sad part about all this is that many Americans don't have a clue about how this is effecting the United States. I heard a man earlier this week say "Well, fuck it. If it's in the Gulf of Mexico let the Mexicans deal with it. Hey, maybe now they wont be swimmin' cross those waters over to the U.S. all the time!"....So retarded, I don't even know where to begin ..."They took ERR joooobs!"-is what I was expecting him to end with.

On a positive note, the staff here at WTFeraz has a potential solution to this fiasco. It was reported a few days ago that using hair in a sponge-like manner has been very effective for cleaning the waters. There have been numerous clips of clean-up crews scooping up massive amounts of oil drenched hair, moving from area to area and slowly cleaning parts of the Gulf. We need to take this to the next level. It's simple: What animals have hair on them and the ability to swim through water AND the potential to be seduced by monetary incentives? Human beings! And, What human beings are so hairy that even one of them has the hair-equivalency of seven average men... Middle-Easterners!
Step 1:We need to find numerous amounts of Arabs, Pakistanis, and descendants of Robbin Williams.
Step 2: Find out what it will take to get them in the water. Maybe some of them will volunteer out of the kindness of their hearts, maybe some will need to be bribed with lifetime supplies of Trader Joe's Mediterranean Hummus, I don't know...but we need to find out.
Step 3: Send 'em swimming. Pick them out of the waters. Drain the oil out of their myriad bodily hairs, and store it for future sales.

Middle-easterners, the people that share the origins of the very oil which taints our waters can be the heroes of this tale. Destiny or coincidence. Genius or poetic. You be the judge.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Dr. Neuss

In part 1, I lay the foundation for my thesis: The racial incidents at UCSD are mainly spawning from a lack of intelligence, not racism. Is it better to be stupid, or racist... it's your call I guess. In this part I'm going to discuss the incidents surrounding the Geisel Library. First there was a noose hung in the 7th floor of the library. No, there wasn't an avid rodeo fan forgetting his tools, it was another idiot making some bad decisions. Next, somebody put a KKK hood crafted from a pillow case over the head of a Dr. Seuss statue in front of the library. So, you might be thinking "Ok, so these are clearly racists trying to threaten black people, what are you going on about Feraz?" I'll tell you what I'm going on about, slow down and keep reading...

First lets start with the noose, which by the way was made with a neon lime green rope (possibly the least intimidating noose in history). The incident got cleared up and the girl that did it came forward, apologized, got suspended and explained her story. Now, her story in itself is the most awesome display of "I'm a big fuckin moron" syndrome. This chick basically told the school newspaper "We found the rope earlier in the day, played with it.... jumped rope, and then my friend tied it in the noose... I took it with me to the library, hung it up while I studied...and FORGOT it there, completely unaware of its racial implications. Sorryyyyy" Ha! What a silly lil person, I don't even know where to begin! Who just decides to leisurely construct lynch nooses in their spare time? Who the hell is jump roping around campus during midterm season at the ripe age of 20? How could you not realize the racial implications of a noose, and lynching, as a student at one of the finest public universities in the world? Doesn't she have any brains? NOPE! Stop right there people. We may have gotten to the bottom of the mystery. So, if this is what really happened, this woman clearly ate a lot of paint chips as a kid. (Take a second to picture a grown woman, jump roping double dutch style in the middle of library walk, with a neon green rope as you read this next part) If she's lying... this is the worst cover up story I've ever heard, and depicts her as a mindless chimp. In any case, we can agree... this broad is dumber than she is racist.

Another incident that got a lot of buzz was when kids from the Koala (a horribly trite satirical school paper only fit for an ass wiping) went on Student Run Television and I believe told "Niggers [to] go fuck themselves" or something along those lines (it's been difficult to find the transcript, obviously). Now, for those of you who don't know what a Koala kid is like, it's hard to explain... it's like describing a unicorn... if the unicorn was an out of shape, creepy, googly eyed mutant. These kids are basically those dudes back in high school that sniffed a lot of glue, hung out under the stairs in their classic rock band t-shirts, and worried about going outdoors because of the irritative effects the sun could have on their acne. Basically, they are outliers amongst the normal population. Saying they represent the UCSD students, or atmosphere in anyway is like saying a U.S. runner at the special olympics exemplifies the American track team. It's just silly. So with this group, yes they are probably kinda racist, but mainly INSENSITIVE idiots. But I'm confident they suffer from some mild form of mental retardation. And.. you can't judge retards... it's just rude. But I will say this, 9/10 kids I've met that work with the Koala seem like potential serial killers. So, If I go missing soon, you know where to start asking questions.

Last and most interesting is the KKK hood incident. Some kids got a pillow case, crafted it into the hood, and even drew the KKK symbol on it before placing it on the Seuss statue, and then placed a rose in Suess's hand. Now, is it just me or does this involve far too much creative arts and crafts for a hate crime. Martha Stewart and nazism just don't blend that well in my book. This was clearly done by somebody, probably another chick, that thought of a funny creative way to make a splash in the media. C'mon, you think a real racist would go through all the trouble to make that shit, and then leave it in front of a library... hoping black people would see it... in front of the library... black people. See what I'm getting at. Racists think black people don't read! They're not gonna Decorate the Cat in the Hat as a KKK threat holding a rose(?) some place where it wont get noticed by the desired audience. That would be like Mothers Against Drunk Drivers deciding to run recruitment capaigns in Pacific Beach, it's just not gonna happen. You find a Mel Gibson statue in front of a synagogue crushing a dreidel, then you can cry RACISM, but this Suess decoration is just an insensitive hoax. Kids that never got to do a senior prank, or are too stupid to realize how offensive their joke is.

So, what's my point? UCSD students, and people not in San Diego, need to calm down and stop assuming that there are some huge racial tensions at UCSD. It's all good, take a breath, run a bubble bath and throw on some Beach Boys. There are just some people that are beyond a level of stupidity you can comprehend. When you combine that lack of intelligence with a bad sense of humor and insensitivity you get events like the ones witnessed on my campus over the past month. As for the massive mobilization of Black students and their demands, it's all about blowing up the issue to gain more leverage over the school. This sort of stuff happens all the time; after school shootings, groups against firearms rally congress for tougher gun control. Anyone desiring a change must not miss a contextual opportunity to gain the upper hand in their fight. So obviously, black students will try to use these issues to make the changes in the UC system that they need and deserve. And I say, more power to em because this school needs more black kids... we could use a D1 basketball team. (too soon for black jokes?) So, don't get yourself too worked up about any of this stuff, just let it play out and roll a J. That's my 2 cents, thanks for reading.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Situation in San Diego, and I'm not talkin bout my abs

Racism obviously sucks, and neither I nor most people at UCSD condone it in anyway, so let me explain why it looks like the whole campus is going bonkers. This post is part of a 2 part production in regards to "The Compton Cookout," the noose incident in Geisel, the Koala kids ridiculous antics on Student Run Television, and of course the placement of a KKK hood on our beloved Dr. Seuss monument. I am a student at the University of California, San Diego and I'm here to clear things up.

So everybody's wondering "What the hell is going on at UC San Diego?" People are thinking "I never knew that there were so many racists there?" Well the truth of the matter is, there aren't as many racists as there are idiots. I declare that all the antics spawned from a lack of intelligence rather than racist motivations. That's the thesis... now lets see it in action:

Part 1-Compton Cookout:

College kids looking to party think they've found a creative theme during Black History Month. They didn't think "Hey! What better way to honor our nation's black heroes than by making a complete mockery of the race"... the truth is they didn't THINK at all. They put together a party, found a theme that was unique and fitting and said "Whatever gives me the chance to wear douchey stunna shades indoors and gets bitches in skimpy clothing, let's roll with this, whose got the keg!" Don't forget, these socialites have thrown countless parties mocking other races... Mexican Fiestas, Irish St. Patty's Day, White Trash keggers, Italian Mafia, you name it there's been a party that ridiculed it.

The key problem here, is that these guys didn't realize racially bashing black people is SOoo 20th century. You can't pull that shit anymore! Especially not since Kramer lost his mind at that comedy club (see link below to get reference). So you're wondering "Who makes these rules?" I don't fuckin' know, but what I do know is that you better figure em out and abide by them or you're gonna piss people off. Even comics know, you can't go hard on black jokes, people just get awkward and uncomfortable...Talk as much shit about Asians not being able to drive, or Mexicans with too many babies at the welfare office, or Muslims with turbans and potential terrorist agendas, but if you're gonna talk about Black people being drug dealers and drive-by experts... be ready for some groans of discontent.There's just certain people you can't ridicule in certain ways anymore. Which some may call progress... I call it "pusseria:"

Pusseria- (noun)
. The societal condition of being overly sensitive.
2. Inability to take a joke at your own expense.
3. Being a pussy

Example: Man Gary really got angry when we made that joke about his mom getting that second abortion, I think pusseria's gettin to him.

Now, due to widespread pusseria some of you are probably already getting a little riled up so allow me to post a disclaimer...
Disclaimer: I do not think that any minorities offended by racism are pussies. Pusseria is a societal condition leading to a greater call for political correctness and politeness. Also, it stems from pussy-cats, which are small, scared and sensitive creatures. So, women need not be offended by the term.
(see what pusseria makes one do?)

Anyway back to the point of the whole post. If this happened at a community college or even SDSU this would be much easier to believe, but people have the misconception that most kids at UCSD are pretty intelligent...False-- there are a LOT of retards (wait is retards an inappropriate term, sorry...take 2) There are a lot of individuals lacking intelligence. The kids threw the party without thinking about how people could actually consider it racism and get offended. You're like "No way, that's STUPID!" and I'm like "Exactly, that's my point!" The people that threw the party were/are stupid, ignorant and naive. Very, very much so. But not racists. I'm not saying that makes it ok. Calm down... pump the brakes, and just let it marinate in your mind a lil bit. I just thought you'd like to really know about the supposed rampant racist ideologies illustrated through the events at UCSD over the past few weeks.

This concludes part 1.
COMING SOON-- Part 2 "Dr. Neuss?" for more elaboration on UCSD incidents. Stay Tuned and thanks for reading!

Kramer's rant, now THIS is worth getting pissed about:!videos=yutd6Ew3FYA&v=Lv_ac-op8IA

Friday, February 19, 2010

Las Invasiones de Body Snatchers

Strange things seem to be happening all over the world, American missionaries are engaging in suspect activities; activities that, to the untrained eye, might lead you to think these noble religious steeds are losing their marbles. BUT, bear with me...for I will paint you a picture so compelling, you will have no choice but to realize that these American missionaries are not to blame.

So you're probably thinking, "I don't know wtf you're talking about, enlighten me." So I will. Laura Silsby and 9 other American missionaries were arrested last week for kidnapping charges in Haiti. Apparently, they thought it would be an awesome idea to load 33 kids into trucks and take them on over to the Dominican Republic to put them in orphanages. However, Silsby was already warned by the authorities that if she tried to do this, she would be arrested and face kidnapping, and possibly human-trafficking charges. But she decided to exercize her thug-nastyness and be like "F*** da police." NOw she's in Haitian prison, probably wondering, like the rest of us, why the hell she tried to smuggle Haitian kids across the border illegally. I thought we moved past this white-man's burden shit! They could have had uncles, aunts or even living parents somewhere, but she just decides "hey,...this one looks alone and needy, lets take him!" Hopefully, she had good intentions, and just made a dumb mistake; and if that's the case i think she should just learn to help the millions of kids with flies on their face on TV for 30 cents a day, rather than get caught up in this mess. Nonetheless, this woman and her posse, are considered kidnappers and pseudo child-traffickers. When asked about his missionaries awkward actions, God proclaimed "I'm fuckin pissed, this is such bad PR for me."

3 days ago another American Missionary, Robert Park, was released from a North Korean prison where he stayed for a month after attempting to illegally cross the border from South Korea. This is so un-american! We don't get arrested for crossing borders illegally! We form militias to hunt down and kill people that try that shit! This form of questioning will lead you to the true culprits.

If there's one thing I've learned from potential presidential candidate Lou Dobbs, it's that there's one entity you can blame for all of life's problem: The Mexicans! C'mon, human-trafficking....illegal border crossing this has Mexican written all over it. So, in accordance with Dobbsian thinking, I declare that Mexicans infiltrated our borders, took our jobs, and then for the final step,....mastered sorcery to capture American souls, the final choice in light of tough Green-Card policies. The Mexican's used these newly acquired American soul citizenship's to truly be American and do what we do best: Travel around the world, and exercise a false sense of entitlement to obtain whatever's desired. Clever, very clever. And they ALmost got away with it... dios mios.